When Your Boss Can’t Communicate: How to Manage Up Without Losing Your Mind

We all know communication is the lifeblood of good leadership. Unfortunately, many bosses seem to have missed that memo — probably buried somewhere in their inbox, along with the other 12,000 messages awaiting response.

Maybe yours speaks only in cryptic one-line emails ("Handle.") or swoops in after a project is 90% done to share critical information they “thought they mentioned.” Maybe they cancel meetings, ghost your questions, or change priorities so fast you feel like you're trapped in a corporate version of Whack-A-Mole.

It’s frustrating. It’s exhausting. And, cringe — it’s incredibly common.

The good news? You don’t have to sit around waiting for better communication to magically appear. You can manage up — and actually make your life a whole lot easier in the process.

Let’s talk about how.

Step 1: Diagnose, Don't Diagnose

First, some tough love: You’re not here to psychoanalyze your boss. You’re here to notice patterns.

• Diagnose the pattern of your boss’s communication (observe what's happening factually — like "they are vague about deadlines" or "they only communicate via text at 7 p.m.").

• Don't diagnose the person (meaning: don’t waste your energy trying to psychoanalyze why they’re that way — like "they must be insecure" or "they must hate me").

  
  

Is your boss brief because they’re drowning in work? Vague because they haven’t made key decisions yet? Overly detailed because they’re terrified of mistakes? Whatever the reason, their communication habits are just that — habits. Not personal attacks. Not cosmic signs that you should be a mind reader.

Your job is to spot the gaps and plan accordingly.

In other words: Notice behaviors, don't invent stories.

Stay factual and solution-oriented, not judgmental or emotional about it.

Coaching Tip: Curiosity beats judgment every time. Get curious about what communication is missing and where you can bridge the gap.

Step 2: Set the Agenda Yourself

Waiting for a crystal-clear, perfectly laid-out roadmap? Spoiler alert: You’re going to be waiting a long time.

Instead, be the one who drives communication forward. Schedule quick check-ins (even if they’re only 10 minutes). Send a crisp pre-read before meetings:

• What you’re working on

• What you need from them

• What you’re planning to do next unless they object

  
  

Think of it as operating on a “default yes” policy. You’re not begging for direction; you’re presenting a path and giving them a convenient opportunity to correct if needed. (They’ll rarely bother unless it’s critical.)

Coaching Tip: Leaders love people who make decisions easy. Be one of those people.

Step 3: Clarify Expectations (Relentlessly, if Needed)

One of my former bosses, brilliant and very talented, had the habit of saying something very important like, “This quarter, it is imperative that we focus on leaders," and then ending with, “...and those pieces.”

And I would be screaming inside, WHAT PIECES?! Can I buy a vowel? I am as lost as a goose in the desert.

It was a mystery. Every. Single. Day.

Back then, I was too intimidated to admit that I had no idea what she was trying to tell me. I would nod affirmingly and then fret later, trying to "Dr. Seuss" my way into the right answer.

Here’s the thing: You are allowed to ask clarifying questions. And most people interpret this as deeply listening and being conscientious — not as being clueless.

I wish I had said,

"Leaders, absolutely. What particular part of that feels most important right now?"

Oh, the nerves I could have saved.

Sometimes there’s a different goal every day, or everything feels important. It can feel like a cafeteria schedule of priorities. When this happens, call it out — politely but firmly.

Try saying:

“I want to make sure I’m focused on what matters most right now. Based on our last conversation, my top priorities are X, Y, and Z. Is that still correct?”

Or:

“Before I move forward, could you confirm whether you’d prefer Option A or Option B?”

Yes, you might feel like Captain Obvious. Yes, you might have to do it more times than feels fair. Still worth it — because it protects your sanity.

Coaching Tip: Assume your boss is busy, distracted, and operating at 60% attention on a good day. Meet them where they are — not where you wish they were.

Step 4: Create Systems

Another boss I loved dearly had one habit I did not love. Her email subject lines.

I’d get emails titled things like “thoughts,” which contained detailed instructions for a new policy, or “today,” which included an investigation report. Once, I literally got an email titled “…” — outlining her final ruling on a controversial organizational policy.

The issue? I could never find these emails when I needed them. Was that information in the “…” email or was it “thoughts”?

As an HR professional, I mastered the art of note-taking early in my career. If you haven't yet, now’s the time to build those habits.

Tips:

• Find a notebook system that works for you. Experiment! Do you function better with a digital notebook? A tabbed one? (I swear by the Levenger Circa — you can move pages around so you can just write freely and organize later.)

• Tame your inbox. You need a folder structure. Create tags or labels so you can sort emails by topic. There are a billion and fifteen ways to optimize your inbox. (Leverage ChatGPT if needed.)

  Get that inbox in shape — like it just got back from bootcamp, ok?

  
  

The point is this: Good notes help you avoid wondering, "Did I hallucinate that conversation? "They also give you something concrete to refer back to if you need to diplomatically offer,

“When we discussed this on the 15th, I noted that you said ‘A, B, C.’ Has something changed?”

Step 5: Reflect

What would your own team say about your communication style? Are there gaps you could close? Probably.

Communication is a critical leadership skill — and we can all afford to keep sharpening it.

Every time you successfully manage up, you’re leveling up your own leadership skills. You’re becoming the kind of communicator you probably wish you had.

You might feel like you shouldn't have to do this (and you're right, mostly). But there is opportunity in every challenge.

Plus, one day, when you’re the boss? Your team will thank you.

Final Thoughts

Managing a boss who’s allergic to good communication isn’t easy. But it’s doable — and it can even make you stronger, sharper, and more self-reliant as a leader.

You deserve clarity. You deserve direction. But in the meantime? You can create it for yourself.

And hey, if all else fails, there’s always interpretive dance.

(Kidding. Kind of.)

Want more help navigating tricky leadership dynamics? Coaching can help you build the skills (and sanity) you need to thrive — even when communication isn’t perfect.

👉 Book a Free Connection Call.